Feeling Cornered

By ericp on Thu, 02-23-12, 16:11

Posted in Group:

Sex Addiction

Where to start. Married nearly 25 years, sex life dead for years. Long story behind that. Bottom line - I'm acting out to escape intense stresses (business out of money, selling house, newly sober), and, I see, b/c of complex feelings w wife - too lengthy for here. I also see that my relationship to women has always been colored by fear of rejection (gee I wonder where that came from :) ). I'm an attractive person and I've never had a problem with that aspect. It's more that I'm scared *(tless of rejection. So my sponsor AA sponsor suggests that I see these hookers in part because there's no chance of rejection. CORRECT! Symptoms - fantasy, and now, hookers. But it's out of control. I'm also 55, so I'm freaked out that the rest of my (sex) life is with my wife, who is like my sister. We have a 13 and a 17 year old daughter. We love them very much and we've kept it together for them, but also, we love each other, if not romantically, then as companions...it's always been more about being best friends than lovers. Was going to go to my second ever SAA/SLAA meeting tonight until I saw it's women only.

Feeling cornered about all of this.

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By CandyChaos on Fri, 02-24-12, 12:09

wow. I'm a woman...and new to this SAA thing, but after reading your post I felt compelled to type. I too have be in AA and NA, and while they can help you stay sober from subtances they don't offer much help with SA issues. I don't know what words I can offer to help, but don't give up looking for a meeting. I hope you find one soon.

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By charli0217 on Sat, 02-25-12, 05:53

Hi Eric,

I can help you with the S.A.A. groups (as well as with the other four Twelve Step groups for sex addicts), but first, I'd like for you to do me a favor. While you assume you have a sexual addiction, I'd really like to be sure about that before getting into recovery suggestions, referrals, etc. So, I'd like for you to take a quick online test for me. The Sexual Addiction Screening Test has been designed specifically to tell folks like you if sexual addiction is really an issue in their life. You can find this test on either of two (2) websites:

Sex Help
www.sexhelp.com/

Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
www.sash.net/

On the Home Page of either site, right at the top of the page, you will see the question, "Am I A Sex Addict?" If you will click on that question, the test will come up for you. This thing can be taken right there online (it should only take you three or four minutes to complete) and then by submitted for scoring. In just a few seconds, you'll have your answer. Generally, a score of 11 or higher indicates that a sexual addiction is present. If the test says that you are sexually addicted, come on back to this site and let me know. I'll be able to provide you a number of referrals related to sexual addiction recovery. Good luck, and I'll be waiting to hear back from you, one way or the other.

Charlie
Board/Panel Manager

Support Points: 8335

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